My Semi Charmed Life

There's so many things I want to blog about, but I dont know where and how to start.

I definetely need to write it down, otherwise I'm going to explode with so many emotions...

but for now. I'm happy. :)

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I havent really blogged anything yet about Australia because I have been so tired lately. I was soo glad I put down most of my thoughts on my ever reliable Starbucks journal so maybe I will transfer them here when I get the time.

The past few days have been dull.  I think I am coming down with some kind of post vacation depression or something.  I did miss being here, my bedroom, my flat, my friends.  Australia was like sooo huge and taking a cab is an effort, not to mention really expensive.  So when I got back here, I kinda felt like well. this is it, this is home.

And yet, I dont feel the connection anymore.  Sure, the first thing that I did the next day was walk down the street and enjoy the neighborhood.  The peace and quiet secured me.  I can walk downstairs at 3am and know I wouldnt get into any trouble because it is so peaceful.  In Australia, I wouldnt know.  I cant even remember the buses I needed to take much less if I take a cab, I wouldnt know which way to go. 

But I am so bored here.  It's insane.  I hate that its so dull.  I hate the routine, the way I can close my eyes and know what I should be doing. I hate that it doesnt excite me anymore. 

I was even thinking of transferring to Australia for good. I did love the place, I love the people.  and the best thing about being single and young is to just do whatever I want. 

I dont know if I care about the risks, oh and also my career. I almost forgot. :)

I dont know if I'm just bored, depressed, tired or all of the above.

I am just feeling so out of it lately, like I want to go home but then I dont know where that is anymore.

I'm back! and I'm still a bit jet lagged...:) It took me like a whole day to put away everything that I bought and I am soo tired. 

I took a nap for awhile and when I woke up I felt like I was still in Australia...and then it was really hot and I realized I was already in Singapore!

It was sad to put away my winter clothes but I will definetely be back maybe December to experience summer in Australia.

for the meantime, here are some of my favorite pictures of Melbourne. :)

I dont want to think about work and what I'm gonna be leaving behind when I get back from vacation.  I dont even want to think about my no pay leaves because I just transferred to my new job.  I dont even want to think about the dramas and stress because...I'm leaving all of them behind temporarily!

woohoo!! I deserve this two weeks vacation and I cant believe I'm finally going through it!

and to the take the growing up to another level, I decided to turn down my parents' offer of additional pocket money which is totally unheard of a few months ago.  I proudly slaved, saved and paid off this vacation all by myself. :)

I'm panicking about what to bring and what not to bring.  I havent had a vacation for this long and July being a winter, I dont know how many jackets, beanies, socks I'm supposed to bring.  I always tend to overpack and I hate to do it again, however, I really dont wanna be left with nothing to wear and the last thing I really want to do is to shop for winter clothes which I cannot even use again here.

Did I just say the last thing I want to do is shopping?! yeah right.

I'm really super excited that I cannot even focus on anything anymore.

Everything that was impossible has fell into place.

Thank God everything did.

If I were a character in sex in the city, I would probably be Charlotte - conservative romantic who holds onto her faith in finding true love.

However, I always envied Samantha, how she can have sleep around and not feel anything, calloused, unfeeling and rather selfish.

I always wondered how other people can seperate lust from emotions.  I really cant.  Its either I dont feel it and if I do I tend to be involved.  I'm pretty sure I can just relax and have fun however, somehow it just isnt me.

Although at my age, it really shouldnt matter, I am still trying to get to that point.  And since I am trying a little too hard, I just realized it's too much work.

I have done things that I am not proud of and I've learned my lessons well. Although I have a very bad habit of looking at things from different point of views to have that much understanding, that I recreate the same predicament and go through the same mistakes.

So that being said, temptation has been presented to me in all shapes and sizes, some I have flirted with, some I have dismissed and some I have succumbed to.

So this kind of temptation, coupled with being in a foreign country, combined with him being so hot at the same time knowing no one would really know it...is too dangerous to flirt with. 

I have dismissed him because I know it wouldnt work out.  If I'm gonna invest in my emotions it would be to someone I think would be worth it.  I know deep down I just really want to let go and not to think too much, but honestly, at the end of the day I would be expecting something more than just a one night stand.

I guess the hard part was wanting to be bad when I cant.  and wanting to let go when I dont think I can.  I bet its too early to decide, we might just hit it off as friends, but I would rather be wrong and not be hurt than right and be hurt.

mmmm...why do good girls have to be sooooo boring?

and its crazy.

but he's so damn hot.

and i barely know him.

what is it with complicated and impossible that is so irresistible to me?

I have to get a grip.

I think he's perfect for me.

and those lines almost always gets me in trouble....

this time, this indulgence will be enjoyed tremendously....

The Great Singapore Sale is on once again!!!  Although, it's really hard for me to control myself, since I know I will go crazy shopping in Australia (almost less than 30 days to go!!!)  I cannot for the life of me, ignore the calling of shoe sales (who cannot resist a pink lacy stiletto?? and this is my second pair!), make up (I know its bad idea to buy make up on sale...but...so what? hehe) and lots and lots of accessories!

Less than $50 later, I got myself a new pair of shoes, a really cute flower hair clamp and a really cute earrings...:)

clip - $8

pink stileto shoes - $25

dangling silver earrings $1

skin food compact powder @ 40% off - $12.90

pride and contentment in my bargain hunting - PRICELESS. :)

IF you got any more shopping tips for me, feel free to share! I would love to hone this skill...hehehe

I wonder whatever happened to friday and saturday? I cannot believe the weekend went by so fast! I still feel like I needed more sleep, more rest, more weekend please!

It's way past 4am and I just got home from clubbing. :) I asked my sister and her friends to come with me just so I can also have a break from my usual girlfriends.  I think I am slowly gaining back my alcohol tolerance as 2 vodkas later I am still un-intoxicated. :)

What I dont like about the clubbing scene sometimes are the connotation that you are just there for quick hook ups.  Also having to deal with guys who are pouncing on you, really c

orny pick up lines and bruises from crazy dance moves (hello!).  I'm not saying I dont want to find cute guys (who doesnt?!) but whatever happens to just having fun and giving yourself a break?

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st of my girlfriends feel like they lost something if they dont get a hook up after clubbing.  Like it was a complete waste of time if you dont.  I dont know if I'm the only one who feels like this but I dont want to feel depleted after clubbing, its supposed to be rejuvenating!

That's why I need a short break from my usual girlfriends. :) (and then maybe if I do feel like I really needed to seriously start to find another date then I will definetely go clubbing with them..hehe)

5 hours later my feet is officially wounded from my highheels.   

This is the part where feeling tired and rejuvenated is all good.

since I'm not yet sleepy, I took a few pictures of moi...(just coz my large earrings is cute!!!) 

I will definetely make the most of this sunday....if I do wake up...:)

I was just chatting with Rio, a college buddy, one of those girlfriends who was with me through thick and thin, and I mean through the ackwardness of exploring relationships, moving on etc etc.

So we were talking about most of our dating disasters, because I suddenly remembered this guy that I went out with.  I invited him to dinner with friends and we were waiting for him.  Considering I was the baby in our group, I had two guy friends to make sure I was safe, plus two other girlfriends.

I was young, carefree, reckless.  I was meeting up a guy from MIRC (this is jurassic chat pre-friendster and myspace era for the younger generations...) and this incredibly cute guy walked towards us.  And I meant incredibly cute because my girlfriends inhaled so fast, I am pretty sure they got dizzy. 

I was sooo...surprised that I didnt even remember their names.  I was like oh, this is, um, this is um, Rio, pointing to apple and apple was rio and I totally invented names for my guy friends because for the life of me...I cannot remember anything. 

I was just telling her that I know we had a common friend and I might find him in friendster but we never really remembered his name, I think coz that was like 7 years ago...damnit!

Rio cannot forget that incident for like the longest time, and we were recalling those stalker guys we met, those cute guys that never really worked out.

I remember one traumatic incident.  I was meeting this guy and he pretended he didnt see me.  (if you can only see me now~!!!) I didnt tell my girlfriends that story because I was filled with self doubt.  Afterwhich, the swan emerged.  I lost 50lbs, I had an obssession with my weight, I was exercising like crazy and I had bouts with bulimia.  It was crazy.

I was just telling Rio how we were so obsessed with pleasing everyone around us we completely forgotten how to treat ourselves with respect.  IF I had known what I knew then...I wouldnt have wasted so much time dwelling on our mistakes.

but where's the fun in that?? :) Past forward a few years from college, exploring relationships still, our turning down dates, knowing the power of bitchiness, of having boobs and curves on the right places, playing the 'game' and making sure we dragged their miserables asses with our miserable selves. hehe. 

You never really get too old for girl talks.  It wil never sound too corny or too immature or tooo anything.  You always ask what you already know and you marvel at how smarter you've become.  

I love it. :)

Currently on a Quarter life Crisis.  Anxiously wanting to grow up without getting old.

Almost a year ago, I thought I had everything I ever wanted...However, I wasnt 100% proud of what I had.  If that makes sense.  I had a few proud moments in the things that I accomplished knowing I could do more at the same time I was too frightened to go out of my comfort zone.

So...I travelled a thousand miles to start over, and I had a crazy time dealing with the things I lost.  Not having my parents around, my sister, not having a car, maid, girlfriends, stability, a career(or the lack of it), being a boss, boyfriends (ahem), Oreo (my fave dog), my team, most of my friends...

However, in losing what was once familiar, I know I can find myself again.

And gain a new perpective in life.

And I am learning that. slowly, painfully.

and I love it.(most of the time)

Then I realized that although I am excited in getting to know myself all over...and I am anxious to get towards my destination, I will eventually get there in time.

I dont know where, but I know I want to be there. I dont know how, but I know I will. The road has been rolled out for me to explore, and the past has helped me to be here and the future...

the future has never been so near. 

I have learned so much more than I could have in 5 yrs if I didnt choose this path. 

and it has been amazing...:)

'you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards...' (Steven Jobs).